“A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.” (Proverbs 31:10-12 MSG)
Now here’s a memory for your summer vacation scrapbook. You got kissed by a dolphin! Well, you may say, “No thank you”. But it happens to people every day at “Sea World”, a park where you can see whales and fish and seals do these amazing tricks. Those dolphins however, are something else! They will jump through hoops (I wish we could get kids to do that), they’ll dance on their tails, and oh yeah, did I mention jumping out of the water and kissing tourists? But if you want to understand why they do all this neat stuff, you have to watch what they do after each trick. They swim around the pool and straight for the guy with the bag! You know what’s in that bag. Fish! Yummy fish! If you want a dolphin to do something, give him a fish and he’ll do it again! As comical as it sounds, husbands are a lot like that!
I really do think the male species of the human race has a lot in common with those dolphins at Sea World. You see, if you give them a fish when they do something good, they’ll want to jump through that hoop again and again!
Leo F. Buscaglia said it best: “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Some women seem to believe that the best way to get their man to improve is to nag him into it, to shame him into it, or to criticize him into doing it. Well, I got news for you, the Bible describes two kinds of women in Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” God’s Word Translation says it like this: “The wisest of women builds up her home, but a stupid one tears it down with her own hands.” There are some things that a woman does that build the people she cares about, and there are others that like a demolition crew, just tear them completely down! That’s why it’s so important to keep in mind the following quote: “Many acts of service cost nothing and take little time: Encouragement, Compliments, Listening, Gratitude, and Compassion.” Complimenting your husband costs you Nothing, but it will Greatly Increase His Self-Worth and Value! Complimenting your husband takes No Time At All, but He Will Hold It Dear For a Lifetime! Chris Rock said: “There are only three things women need in life: Food, Water, and Compliments”. Well, as comical as it sounds, Men Need the Very Same Things!
Now there’s no question that every man needs a lot of work (so do we sisters)! But if you approach your husband like your personal home improvement project, like “I’ve got to fix this guy!” you’ll probably keep him from changing! Is it stubbornness? Ego? Deafness? I’m not sure, but I do know that when a man is pushed, he tends to go the other way, not come in your direction!
Part of love is what I heard called “Mirroring” – which is holding up a mirror to the person you love and letting them know what you see when you look at them. Unfortunately, we tend to be a lot better at mirroring the things we Don’t like than some of the good things about that person. But it’s in affirming the good that we give a person the courage and the encouragement to work on the rest. Remember: “Everybody likes a compliment” (Abraham Lincoln). Even Mark Twain said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
Proverbs 31 contains God’s description of a woman who’s got it right. In Proverbs 31, beginning with verse 10, the Bible says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and he lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” God’s Word Translation says it like this: “Who can find a wife with a strong character? She is worth far more than jewels. Her husband trusts her with all his heart, and he does not lack anything good. She helps him and never harms him all the days of her life.” This woman continues to bring Value and Confidence and Good into her husband’s life Continuously! And it pays off too because the Bible goes on to say, “Her husband is respected at the city gate. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, he praises her.” God’s Word Translation: “Her Children And Her Husband Stand Up And Bless Her. In Addition, He Sings Her Praises, By Saying, Many Women Have Done Noble Work, But You Have Surpassed Them All! “Charm is deceptive, and beauty evaporates, But A Woman Who Has The Fear Of The LORD Should Be Praised. Reward Her For What She Has Done, And Let Her Achievements Praise Her At The City Gates.”
As a Wife, Your Greatest Blessing Comes From Blessing Your Husband!
If you want to Improve Your Husband or Help Your Husband Become Better, Then Bring Him Good, Bring Him Value by Telling Him What’s Good about Him! Praise Him When He Does Something Right, Even If It’s Just a Small Improvement! Give Him a Fish (so to speak, like the Dolphins) If You Want Him To Do It Some More! Or, as one of my Mentors says, “Water What You Want To Grow.“
When you consistently have a ministry of encouragement and affirmation in your husband’s life, he feels Safe! And a man won’t risk changing unless he’s in a place where he feels Safe! And if he feels Safe and Valued by You, he’s a lot more likely to listen when you need to tell him something that’s hard to hear! He’ll Know You Love Him and that You Want Him to Be the Best He Can Be!
Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth, has a wonderful outlook on this. She says, “It is my job to love Billy. It’s God’s job to change him!” That says it better than I ever could!
Remember: You compliment him, and that will encourage him to let God change him!
“Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife….” (Genesis 25:21-22 HCSB).
Most urban or suburban type husbands don’t go out with a bow and arrow to bring in their family’s dinner. That was in the good old days where Dad went hunting for dinner. Instead, they go to a shop, or an office, or some such place and they get a paycheck. Then they turn it over to the grocery store.
But the principle is still the same: Man is the Provider, Especially For His Wife. Now, I know there’s a lot of women working today, and that’s changed some. But most men still pride themselves in being able to meet their wife’s needs, and that’s why it’s so tough for them when they’re out of work. See, above all else, a Man Wants to Be Known As a Good Provider. Sometimes they seem to fall short, but that’s okay if they keep providing the most important provision for their wife’s needs.
In Genesis 25 we read about the life of Isaac. Now, Isaac is married to a wonderful woman named Rebekah, and he has been promised that he and his children will be the beginning of a whole new nation. His father, Abraham, you may remember fathered a young man named Ishmael before him that really was a result of a relationship that was rushed, because they couldn’t wait for God to send Isaac.
Well, right now, Ishmael has 12 sons; Isaac still has no children. And he and Rebekah are getting old. So we find what his response as a husband is: “Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife because she was barren. The Lord heard his prayer, and his wife Rebekah conceived. But the children inside her struggled with each other, and she said, ‘Why is this happening to me?’ So she went to inquire of the LORD.” (Genesis 25:21-22 HCSB).
Now the specific situation here is that Rebekah is unable to conceive a child. But let’s look beyond the specifics of physical barrenness here, though God has miraculously answered that kind of prayer on the couple’s behalf. But let’s look at it this way. There is something in the life of Isaac’s wife that he, as her husband, is powerless to change. Husbands, do you have something like that in the life of your wife–something you’re powerless to change? Maybe she’s got emotional needs that are just too complex for you to understand, let alone meet them. Hurts deep inside her that you can’t seem to heal, fears that you can’t seem to quell in her, weaknesses that you can’t change in her, answers that you just can’t seem to have for her.
Well, believe it or not, there’s something you CAN Do that could meet her deepest need. It’s what Isaac did. The Bible says, “Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife…” You know what a beautiful picture that is.
The Godly man will often be found praying to the Lord on behalf of his wife. The kind of prayer that God can do the most with is the kind Isaac prayed. It’s a desperate prayer; it’s an admission of a husbands own inability. There’s a lot of God in that prayer, and a little of you. Therefore, pray with your wife often, and the result will be your prayer will be answered. Theirs was. They had two babies instead of one. And, as a result of him praying for her, she herself went on to “…inquire of the Lord…”, and as a result, she was a praying wife.
Husbands can be delivered from that macho frustration that says, “I’ve got to meet all my wife’s needs” but as a result end up running from them because you can’t meet them at all. That’s why Together, and Often, go to your knees and seek your Father for the things that you need. If you’re a husband, let your wife live in the secure knowledge that you speak her name often in the Throne Room of Almighty God. She’s hungry for your prayer on her behalf, and she can’t get enough of it.
Husbands you were Never designed to be Everything for your wife! If that were the case, why would she ever Need God?! You are Not to be her All-In-All, you Can’t Be! So Stop trying to Mend Your Wife, God Is Her Ultimate Seamstress; Stop trying to Provide Everything for Your Wife, She Only Has One Jehovah Jireh (and regardless to your salary, You Are Not It!); Stop trying to Remove All of Her Sickness, You Are Not the Lord That Heals; Stop trying to Lead Her Everywhere, He Is the Director of Her Steps; Stop trying to Calm Every Aspect of Her Life, It Is the Peace of God Alone That Can Do That!
Should this make you feel bad? NOPE! This should make you Sigh a Great Relief! God Would Never Give You More Than You Can Bear! And If You’re Attempting to Be Your Wife’s God, You Are Definitely Carrying More Than You Can Bear!
So, Follow Isaac, and Stop Trying to Stand Up to Everything and Everyone She Faces, and Instead, Bow Down and “…pray to the LORD on behalf of your wife…” Let Him Hear You, Then Let Him Handle It!
She’ll Love You and Honor You for Doing YOUR Part as You Show Your Real Strength In Bowing In Prayer and Backing Off to Let God Answer It! As Wives, More Than Not, We Don’t Want You to Even Try to Fix It, We Just Need to Know, that You Know How to Go to the Father With It!
Today, Husbands Help Your Wives Through Prayer and Wives Help Your Husbands Through Compliments!
Encouraging Quotes:
“A reporter asked the couple, ‘How did you manage to stay together for 65 years?’ The woman replied, ‘We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it…not throw it away.”
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” (Mignon McLaughlin)
“Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.” (Stephen Gaines)
“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.” (Fawn Weaver)
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” (Robert Quillen)
“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.” (Fawn Weaver)
“Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.” (Jennifer Smith)
“The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.” (Fawn Weaver)
“A long-lasting marriage is built by two people who believe in and live by the solemn promise they made.” (Darlene Schacht)
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” (Dave Meurer)
“A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created.” (Fawn Weaver)
“Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.” (Fawn Weaver)
“Passionate sex is great. A passionate marriage filled with passionate sex…SO much better.” (Fawn Weaver)
“Keep the fire in your marriage and your life will be filled with warmth.” (Fawn Weaver)
“You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you.”
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